The Story of my Greatest Burnout

I’m the guy who had been burning way earlier it became trending.

One day I’ve almost dropped the profession and ruined all what I had. Fortunately, just like the phoenix rising from its own ashes, I’ve managed to come back.

More than 4 years has passed since me, being at the bottom. But I still experience flashbacks of those times.

Now, when I’m luckily feeling almost fine almost all the time, I can provide retrospective view on what was happening with me during these years and better understand the reasons and the origins in order to avoid it in future.

How does it feel

Rewards and penalties

It seems like brain meachisim of rewards and penalties, based on hormones is broken.

Perhaps it is lack of dophamine or serotonin or too much cortisol is released. Probably happinnes-related hormones receptors’ sensivity is too low. I have no idea.

As the result, you are too much exposed to stress and hardly ever feel rewarded and satisfied. It feels like grayscale of palette of feelings. You do not usually feel happy even when you have reasons for that. You are just indifferent to what is going on.

Infinite loop of self-searching

It works like your brain feels that something is wrong and it turns on some kind of analytical tool for self-diagnostics.

This analytical tool is rather straighforward. It utilises dumb brute force to find out the reasons for the incorrect state, iterating over all negative inputs surrounding you.

Bad news, possible failures and any other possible sources of anixiety and stress are enumerated one after another.

Continue reading The story of my Greatest Burnout at my blog

Originally published at https://kazaimazai.com on May 2, 2019.